Games Musicians Play – Part II: Exiting the Game with Schema Work for Musicians
- Dr. Teresa Wenhart
- Oct 30
- 9 min read
Psychological games are widespread in the music world – often unconsciously, sometimes with significant consequences for collaboration and self-image. In this second part, I present five more typical games that occur in rehearsals, lessons, and on stage. In addition, I explore concrete strategies from coaching and schema therapy: how musicians can break free from these patterns and find their way to more authentic communication and greater artistic freedom.
In the first part, I adapted Eric Berne’s concept of psychological games to the world of music — from the “perfect performance” to the “lost soloist” and the “overworked concertmaster.”
It became clear that many of these dynamics stem from deeper underlying schemas and are particularly intensified in the unique atmosphere of the music world: high expectations, constant evaluation, hierarchical systems, and the coexistence of personal vulnerability with artistic and professional demands. This combination creates especially fertile ground for unconscious patterns that can strain relationships, limit creativity, or reinforce self-doubt.
See also: Schemata in Musicians: Reflecting Psychological Patterns and Strengthening Self-Competence
The musician-specific variants of Berne’s games are, of course, simplified portrayals of complex intra- and interpersonal dynamics that can occur both in and outside rehearsals and lessons, as well as in professional contexts such as orchestras, concerts, and tours. In this second part, I would like to present the remaining half of the games inspired by Berne — and, crucially, explore how musicians can step out of such patterns and return to more authentic communication and artistic freedom. The third part of the series will address dynamics that go beyond those originally described by Eric Berne.
Reminder - Important note in advance: The following descriptions are intentionally simplified and serve to illustrate social dynamics — not to stigmatize musicians or the music world. Psychological patterns are normal aspects of every person’s personality and appear in similar forms across all professions. They only become problematic when they become inflexible and start to limit personal or professional growth.
The Psychological Games of Musicians – Part II
For Games #1 to #6 see: Games Musicians Play - Part I: Interpersonal Dynamics in the Music World
7. "Master and student" (a variation of "I'm Only Trying to Help You")
Course of the Game: The experienced trombonist Margaret showers younger colleagues with “constructive criticism” that actually discourages them and fosters dependence. She also offers unsolicited “helpful” advice, makes decisions on behalf of her students, and reacts hurt, angry, or with emotional punishment when they act independently or decline her help. (“After everything I’ve done for you!”)
Example:
“Your embouchure is… interesting. But if you really want to become a professional, you’ll have to study with me. The other teachers don’t understand the real technique.”
[She then teaches overly critically, making students dependent on her judgment instead of fostering their independence.]
Schema-Background: Relentless standards meet a need for recognition/attention and/or defectiveness/shame meets grandiosity/entitlement — Margaret soothes her own insecurity and self-doubt about her importance, as well as her hunger for significance, through others’ dependence on her knowledge. Unconsciously, she thinks: “Only if they need me am I valuable.” or “I have to make them see my competence and worth — they won’t recognize it on their own.”
Payoff: Short-term gain in power and affirmation of one’s own importance, but long-term reinforcement of feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt — along with a sense of not being seen or appreciated as a musician or as a person. This pattern often leads to resignation and unintended social isolation.
8. "The Misunderstood Composer" (a variation of "Ain't It Awful")
Course of the Game: Isabella gathers allies to share in her frustration with the “commercial music world.”
Example:
"“Today’s conductors don’t understand modern composition. They’d rather play Beethoven for the hundredth time. The cultural scene has become so superficial.”
[She continues to compose challenging, hard-to-access pieces without compromising for marketability.]
Schema-Background: Defectiveness/shame and grandiosity – “If everyone else is the problem, I don’t have to question whether my music is too complex.”
Payoff: Compassion and solidarity from colleagues and family without having to conform to market-driven demands.
9. "Rehearsal-Roulette" (a variation of "Uproar")
Course of the Game: Liu Wei regularly provokes dramatic confrontations in rehearsals over interpretative issues.
Example:
“That’s completely wrong! Brahms would be turning in his grave. Have you even studied at all?”
[Becomes the “savior of the interpretation” through conflict escalation]
Schema-Background: Self-sacrifice for the “true art” justifies aggressive behavior, while grandiosity/entitlement is enforced through dominance: “Only if I fight will they respect my opinion.” or “I’m only important if I take musical leadership.”
Payoff: Demonstration of power and attention through emotional intensity and perceived indispensability.
10. "The Improvisation-Averse Jazz Musician" (a variation of "If It Weren't For Them")
Course of the Game: The saxophonist James McConnor blames others (colleagues, the audience, or the “commercial music scene”) for his lack of improvisational skill.
Example:
“I would improvise more, but this bassist always plays such complicated changes. No sensible jazz can come from that.”--“If the rhythm section were better… if the audience understood jazz…”
[Does not practice improvisation privately and avoids jam sessions where he could experiment.]
Schema-Background: Relentless standards and/or lack of success/failure and/or defectiveness/shame – James protects his self-image by externalizing responsibility for his fears. Unconsciously, he may think: “If it’s the others’ fault, I don’t have to risk finding out that I might really be unable to improvise.”
Payoff: Protection from the fear of failure or rejection by externalizing responsibility.
11. "The Prodigy Veteran" (a variation of "See What You Made Me Do")
Course of the Game: The former child prodigy pianist André Petrov blames his surroundings for his current problems. André provokes conflicts with colleagues and students through arrogant behavior or exaggerated criticism, only to then say directly or indirectly: “See what you’re forcing me to do! You don’t understand my genius!”
Example: After a poorly received concert:
“You forced me into this program. I wanted to play Mozart, but you insisted on contemporary music. Now look at the result.”
[However, he was the one who proposed the program and made the decision, but then practices less intensely because he feels “forced.”]
Schema-Background: Entitlement/grandiosity and/or insufficient self-control clash with reality and trigger defectiveness/shame – André has not learned to take responsibility for his decisions. Due to early exuberant reactions from audiences and his environment, he unconsciously thinks: “As a prodigy, success should come to me without effort.” At the same time, musical success holds an excessively central place in his life (love tied only to achievement) and self-image, which makes any criticism feel like an existential threat.
Payoff: Affirmation of the grandiose self-image through self-provoked rejection or devaluation of others as “proof” of one’s own uniqueness: “Because I’m so special, they reject me,” or “They don’t understand my brilliant ideas.”
Exiting the Games: From Psychological Games to Conscious Communication with Schema Work for Musicians
Limits of the Analysis: The Complexity of Interpersonal Dynamics
The psychological games described are deliberately simplified and focus on dominant schemas in each case. In reality, multiple schemas usually interact simultaneously, and each “game” involves several people with their own psychological patterns. The dynamics described do not arise from individual “problematic” persons, but from the interplay of different coping strategies within specific social contexts. This complexity becomes very evident in my psychological work with musicians.
Moreover, Parts I and II merely provide examples of typical games inspired by those described by E. Berne.
Practical Implications for Music Practice
Schema-Based Intervention Approaches
Schema Identification and Mode Work:
Elena (from “The Perfect Performance”) learns to recognize that her failure schema drives her to both reject help and simultaneously seek it (Avoidant Protector). She develops strategies to face challenges realistically despite her fears (Healthy Adult).
Margaret (from “Master and Student”) learns to acknowledge her individual strengths as a musician and teacher and to trust her own competence (Healthy Adult mode) without needing to convince her students through her controlling protector (Overcompensating Protector).
André (from “Prodigy Veteran”) reflects on biographical influences on his current self-image and behavior and learns to cultivate interests and social relationships outside of music and independently of personal or others’ achievements (corrective relational experiences of unconditional acceptance).
Cognitive Reflection:
Antoine (from “Jazz Purist Poker”) questions thoughts like “I am only valuable if I am the best jazz expert.”
Isabella (from “The Misunderstood Composer”) reflects: “Maybe it’s not only about the others, but also how I present my music,” and considers the short- and long-term effects her self and behavior have on others.
Emotional Regulation:
Liu Wei (from “Rehearsal Roulette”) learns to express interpretative disagreements constructively instead of escalating conflicts.
Kenji (from “The Lost Soloist”) distinguishes between genuine artistic needs and schema-driven avoidance strategies, allowing him to consciously choose how to respond to challenges.
Concrete Strategies for the Music Domain
Authentic Communication: Instead of habitual “games,” musicians can learn to express their needs appropriately: seeking support rather than hoarding or blocking advice, respecting and balancing their own and others’ needs and boundaries, and admitting insecurities instead of hiding behind excuses or avoidance strategies.
Collaborative Attitude: Moving beyond personal patterns toward a “we create music together” approach.
Resource Protection and Needs Balance
Preserving Music as a Resource
For many musicians, working on their instrument is an important resource — also because of its physical and meditative aspects. This can be protected through:
“Fun projects” without performance pressure: Playing quartets with friends, musical experiments without evaluation.
Established rituals: Designated places and times for pressure-free music-making with people you enjoy being with.
Humor and self-irony: Bringing lightness to one’s approach to personal perfection.
Such activities fulfill two essential needs that are often neglected: play/fun (which originally sparked the love of music) and social connection.
Broaden & Build-effect:
The professional music field is defined by high demands for technical and aesthetic perfection. It becomes problematic when musicians become excessively self-critical and overload themselves physically and mentally due to internal drivers.
Research shows that learning is significantly more effective in a positive physical and mental state (Broaden-and-Build effect): Positive emotions (e.g., through interactions with friendly people and fun projects) enhance learning ability, leading to experiences of success and an upward spiral. Developing more constructive internal drivers and coping strategies can therefore be valuable both for well-being and for artistic development.
See also: Positive Psychology for Musicians
The Reflective Power of Conscious Music Practice
Music itself can become a key to healthier relational patterns. When musicians recognize their automatic reaction patterns and consciously expand them, they can use their art form to:
Develop emotional regulation – Using music as a training ground for emotional flexibility
Find authentic self-expression – Moving from perfectionistic to honest interpretations
Build deeper connections – Making music together as a form of communication
Use vulnerability as a strength – Emotional openness as an artistic quality
Implementation in Music Education & Ensembles
Preventive Approaches in Music Education
Integrating psychological knowledge into music education could have a preventive effect. Aspiring musicians should develop reflective ways of dealing with the specific demands of their profession early on:
Self-reflection as a curricular component: Awareness of one’s own reaction patterns, schema work for musicians
Communication training: Giving and receiving constructive feedback
Stress management: Handling performance pressure and public evaluation
Many of the games described above and in Part I can thereby be mitigated or even entirely avoided.
See also: Schema-focussed Work
Therapeutic and Coaching Approaches
Both individual therapeutic and group-based approaches can support the development of alternative communication and coping strategies:
Individual coaching: Personalized schema work and mode training
Ensemble coaching: Joint reflection on group dynamics
Workshops for students & music educators: Promoting healthy teacher-student relationships, schema work for musicians
See also: Coaching & Psychology for Musicians
Conclusion: The Art of Authentic Connection
The journey from automatically triggered psychological games to conscious, authentic communication is a process that requires time and practice. But, like any good music, this development benefits from patience, reflection, and a willingness to continually refine oneself.
The games that musicians play are not “bad” or “wrong” — they are human attempts to cope with the unique challenges of their profession. The key is not to avoid all games and patterns, but to make conscious choices: When do they serve us, and when do they limit us?
In a world often seeking quick solutions, music offers a special space: Here, we can practice being both vulnerable and strong, fail and rise again, and create music together.
Use your music not only as a profession or hobby, but as a training ground for authentic human connection. In the end, that may be the most beautiful form of making music.
Read More:
(Schemata in Musicians)
Wenhart, T. & Hildebrandt, H. (2025). Music Students' Psychological Profiles: Unveiling Three Coping Clusters Using Schema Mode Inventory. (submitted, in review)iew)
Interview mit der Deutschen Orchestervereinigung Unisono: https://uni-sono.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/2024-11-28-Huebsch-im-Interview-mit-HIldebrandt-und-Wenhardt-2024.pdf
Wenhart T. Mental Stark, psychisch gesund - Konzeption von Schema-Workshops für Musiker:innen und Musiklehrkräfte. 2024 DOI: 10.13140/RG.2.2.21773.51686
Sources:
Berne, E. (2011). Games people play: The basic handbook of transactional analysis. Tantor eBooks.
Žvelc, G. (2010). Relational Schemas Theory and Transactional Analysis. TA Journal, 40(1), 16–29.
(Schemata, Schematherapie und Schemacoaching generell)
Young, J.E., Klosko, J.S. & Weishaar, M.E. (2003) Schema Therapy: A practitioner’s guide. New York, NY: Guilford Press
Jacob, G., & Arntz, A. (2015). Schematherapie in der Praxis. Beltz
Handrock, A., Zahn, C. A., & Baumann, M. (2016). Schemaberatung, Schemacoaching, Schemakurzzeittherapie. Beltz
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